Back in the saddle...

....more or less.

It's been an interesting three weeks - apparently my body is providing a comfortable home to a particularly nasty virus that leaves me feeling pooped, nauseous and a little cranky most of the time. The good news? This too shall pass.

I apparently just have to be patient.

Yeah. And one of these days pigs will fly.

My trips to the hospital have provided me with some rather entertaining moments.

After my first trip to the ER and a rather uncomfortable exam at 5 a.m., my lovely, kind doctor looked at me and said, "Well, you're not pregnant."

To which I replied, "I knew that. Unless of course it's the Second Coming of Christ."

With just the smallest hint of a smile, he shook his head and told me, "That's a lot of responsibility."

I like doctors with a sense of humour.

I also like nurses who don't take any crap. My mom is a nurse like that. Though retired, she did her training with the nuns which means she is tough and has little time for those who don't pull their weight.

While cooling our heels in the exam room, one of the new breed of nurses came in and pulled out the kit the doctor would need for the exam. And then left it all wrapped up. My mother was horrified. As was the next nurse who came in. She was significantly older and was muttering about how the kit needed to be undone and made ready for use. Once she did that, she then went out in the hall and very forcefully told some drunken maniac to get back in his room and stay put or he was going to answer to her.

The best part of all that was the drunken maniac had a security guard stationed outside his door, lest he become a menace. Big, burly guard boy with his military style uniform and kevlar vest was no match for the drunken maniac nor for the nurse who set them both straight.

The CT scan was an interesting experience as well. It never ceases to amaze me what people are willing to let go of when they aren't feeling well. When you are sick what really matters to you and what doesn't becomes very clear, very quickly.

I was hanging out in the CT waiting room, dressed in my fancy gown (I'm sure I saw it in Medical Vogue) when a woman, having completed her CT scan , came back to retrieve her belongings from a locker and change. She was obviously tired and not feeling great and I watched as she struggled to hold the back of the gown with one hand and open the locker with the other. The dexterity to complete that particular mission was beyond her at that point and clearly her primary objective was to get changed and get the hell home. So she did what any other person would do, she let go of the back of the gown and concentrated on opening the locker.

The 17 year old sitting next to me and I were both treated to a full, unadulterated view of her naked behind. She didn't even make a second attempt to hold the gown closed. She was done, she was over it. Her bare ass was there to be seen and she didn't care because all she wanted to do was go home.

I get that.

The x-ray dye for the CT scan brought its own entertainment. The technician asked me if anyone had explained what to expect with the dye. I told him no one had told me I was getting dye. He sighed and shook his head. And then listed off all the possible sensations I might experience. He smiled and said, "And just looking at you, I'm pretty sure you're going to have them all."

And yes I honestly felt:

1) like I was sucking on a magic marker
2) that I had peed myself
3) that I had fluid in my limbs
4) that my head was momentarily detached from my body.

fun times!

The highlight in all of this had to be me finally coming clean to my mother that I have a tattoo. I've had it for 4 years and never said anything because it's not visible and it's mine. Alas, hospital gowns and the like tend to be bad secret keepers.

She was so distracted by my potential need for surgery, she just shrugged and said, "Well, at least it's patriotic."

As my energy gets on the upswing, I hope to write more. I have several blog posts started but not completed - they require more focus than I can spare at the moment but I will get there.

hope you all are well.

xoxo