Can a single voice change the world?

I believe so.

Tonight I had the extreme good fortune of hearing Eve Ensler and Stephen Lewis speak and then meet them. 

I have heard Stephen Lewis speak on several occasions and his gift of oratory, his passion and his intellect make him one of the most compelling speakers ever. 

I had not, until tonight, heard Eve Ensler. I was well familiar with her being a V-Day convert as last Fall I looked for an outlet for my rage over the situation in the DRC. 

Her speech was angry, loud, hopeful and heartbreaking. I believe she has no words for most of what she has seen. It is clear in listening to hear speak that still not enough attention is being paid to the DRC. 

For the last 12 years (just for a moment, pause and think about where you were 12 years ago and how much has changed for you in that time) the women and girls of the DRC, specifically in Goma and Bikavu, have been subjected to sexual violence on a scale greater than the world has ever known. Both Ensler and Lewis state unequivocally that what is happening there is the worst possible atrocity happening in the world today. 

By her own account Ensler has spoken to the UN Security Council - twice - met with the Secretary General, Ambassadors and Heads of State and yet not only has nothing changed in the DRC, it is now worse. 

The UN and several western countries are proclaiming a victory with the eradication of the FDLR, a militia group in the DRC made of members from Rwandan Hutus who participated in the genocide there in 1994. The frightening truth is the group has not been eradicated - they have dispersed into the forest and the mountains where they continue to rape with abandon and impunity. 

Ensler said "When a Congolese daughter is raped, it is your daughter being raped. When a Congolese mother dies, it is your mother who dies." A stark but necessary message - we are all interconnected and the longer we deny that the more damage we do to each other. 

There were several heartbreaking stories in Ensler's call for action but the one that nearly finished me was of the woman who was being raped by a militia group as her husband was shot in the head in front of her. The militia group then poured gasoline into her vagina, stuck sticks inside her and lit them on fire. 

The woman did not scream because this wasn't the first time she had been raped. It was not even the second time she was raped. It was the third. She screamed the first two times and no one came, there was no point in screaming now. 

The women and girls of the DRC have stopped screaming. 

So I will scream for them. I will scream from rooftops, in bars, in letters, in this blog, in any place I can be heard. I will scream for them because they must be heard. 

Mine is just one voice but if everyone - every woman and man who knows about the DRC - decides to scream for every Congolese woman who has been silenced, the force and volume will be so loud, so overwhelming, so heart curdling, the world will have little choice to but to fulfill the promises it has made to those women time and again and never delivered on. 

A single voice can change the world. How will you use yours? 

So much to write...

and I'm not even sure where to begin. I have much gushing to do about the weekend - the V-Day event was a heart-filling, awe-inspiring experience and I'm still processing it. 

in the meantime I finally found a layout that mostly appeals to me. I'm not 100% sold on it and think I want something more whimsical. 

Thoughts? 

2 days to go

I can't believe the day is almost here. Laura and I have been working at this for so long that to almost be at the end is equal parts gratifying and sad.

At the risk of tooting my own horn, here is the article published today in the Xpress

****
V-Day
by Sara Falconer

"It's easy to forget about what's happening elsewhere when we're in tough times," says Laurie Kempton, one of the organizers of V-Day in the capital. The event on April 25 aims to remind people in Ottawa that they can make a difference in the fight to end violence against women, at home and across the globe.

Kempton got involved when co-producer Laura Nichol forwarded her an article about the crisis facing women in the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC), where more than 1,100 rapes are reported each month.

"They had coined a new term called re-raped," she says. "The situation there is so dire that women and girls are being mass raped by militia, and for many it's not even the first time. Their lives are destroyed, their bodies are destroyed... And we just knew that we had to do something about it."

V-Day was started by Eve Ensler, author of The Vagina Monologues. Together with playwright Mollie Doyle, they assembled a series of monologues from world-renowned authors, both men and women, on violence against women and how to end it. The collection, called A Memory, a Monologue, a Rant and a Prayer, will be performed internationally, with groups in 120 countries staging performances as fundraisers. In 2009, 10 per cent of all proceeds will go to projects in the DRC.

The show in Ottawa will also benefit Family Services à la famille Ottawa and the Canadian Committee for UNIFEM. According to the Ontario Women's Directorate, 7 per cent of Ontario women living in a common-law or marital relationship experienced physical or sexual assault in 2004, and almost 40 per cent of those instances of abuse were witnessed by children. There are approximately 25 female victims of spousal homicide in Ontario each year. Aboriginal women are three times more likely to experience spousal violence.

The 20th annual Sexual Assault Prevention Month will be held in Ontario in May. On Saturday, the monologues will be performed by MPs Dr. Hedy Fry and Paul Dewar, Bill Welychka of A-Channel, Josie Geuer of Hot 89.9, human rights activist and author Kerry Pither, author Kathy Cook and more.

Kempton hopes to raise awareness of violence against women in Ottawa and across Canada, as well as around the world. "I want there to be a dialogue. I don't view this as a women's issue. It's a community issue at every level."

A Memory, a Monologue, a Rant and a Prayer@ Canadian Museum of CivilizationApril 25, 8 p.m.Tickets: $40www.capitalvday.com

Temporary look

My last template design kind of crapped out and I couldn't figure out how to fix it. It usually takes me hours to find another template that I like and reflects what I want, sadly for me with the benefit only 5 days away (www.capitalvday.com - do you have tickets yet?) I won't have the time to devote to a new look until next week.

So until then we'll just go with this lame, tame, uninsipired look.

One week from tonight...

...I will be at the Theatre of the Canadian Museum of Civilization watching the culmination of six months worth of work come to fruition as our amazing cast takes the stage for a benefit reading of A Memory, A Monologue, A Rant and A Prayer.

The evening is a part of the international V-Day campaign and the money we raise will go to Family Services Ottawa, who support women and children who have been victims of domestic violence as well as offering an amazing educational program for teens and The Canadian Committee for UNIFEM who work for gender equality throughout the world. As Stephen Lewis has pointed out time and again, defeating the HIV/AIDS pandemic has its roots in gender equality.

This all started because Laura sent me an article where I learned of the word "reraped". Women and girls in the DRC are being gang-raped or taken as sexual slaves and it's happening to them more than once so they are being reraped. I learned of the word and couldn't sleep. The need to do something - anything - was overwhelming.

It has been an incredible journey to get to this point and I'll write more about it once we've arrived at the destination but I am amazed and inspired by what I've learned of myself and of others. Friends and strangers alike have left me breathless with their kindness and generosity.

If you are in Ottawa, please come. If you aren't in Ottawa but you know people who live here, tell them about it.

It will be a powerful night and I, for one, am looking forward to it.

xoxo

Sometimes numbers matter

According to a recent study there are 1,100 rape cases reported EACH MONTH in the DRC. (to say nothing of the unreported cases). It is the world's highest rate of sexual violence against women and girls.

Want to do something about it?

Write your elected representatives.

Buy a ticket to the V-Day in the Capital benefit - www.capitalvday.com

Donate to www.vday.org

What would Joe think?

It occurs to me as I continue to read about Afghanistan, the Congo, Zimbabwe and any other home to hell on earth there is a distinct lack of a musical voice in popular culture to reflect what's going on. In between Britney's Circus and Gaga's Poker Face it's hard to find anyone singing about the human condition or raging about it.

That thought left me wondering what Joe Strummer would make of all this. He would have an opinion, a song an anthem and a call to action.

And then I realized, not for the first time, how much poorer we are for the loss of Joe and the loss of the Clash, because let's be honest, Good Charlotte is not punk, no matter how much eyeliner they put on.

All this led to a trip through youtube and I found this tribute. Cooler people on one stage? Good luck finding it.

Passed...with flying colours!

Every family has their epicurean traditions - meals or dishes that are passed down from one generation to the next. They are recipes that are carefully guarded secrets and the day you decide to tackle making one of them is the day you open yourself up for the most severe judgements. You could be Gordon Ramsay or Tyler Florence or the Barefoot Contessa and none of that would matter if you screw up the family tradition. Restaurant reviews by the New York Times are child's play compared to family members reviewing your attempt at a sacred dish.

In our family the exalted dish is butterscotch - pie or pudding -but butterscotch is what's key. The recipe? The most recent version used by this family comes from a Five Roses cookbook dating from the 1940s.

This year for Easter dinner, I offered to make dessert and had one my old favourites ready to go until my mother suggested Butterscotch pudding. Now, you may be wondering why pudding and not pie but you have to understand that my grandmother was a champion butterscotch maker and my aunts and mother are also experts in their own right. For me to enter the field is little akin to me lacing up my skates and trying to score on Martin Brodeur.

I got out the cookbook. I re-read the recipe 5 or 6 hundred times and then got started. A cold sweat trickled down my back as I began...

It calls for a double boiler. Double boiler? Do they even make those any more? Having scoured my mother's kitchen for a double boiler and being shocked at not finding one (hello? she has a cookbook from the 1940s, one would think she would have a double boiler too) I improvised. I am the MacGyver of cooking. I will not be defeated by the one dish everyone - and I mean everyone - in my family loves.

I melt and I stir. I simmer and I melt some more and then I stir some more and then like magic, it's thick and ready to be placed in the pudding dishes. Feeling my job was done, I started to clean up only to hear that small clearing of the throat noise that only mothers can make to tell you all is not right.

I turned and raised my eyebrows. My mother began tentatively and said, "You may want to cover those with plastic wrap."

"Why?"

"Because you'll get pudding skin."

PUDDING SKIN???? Oh.my.god. Pudding skin is gross. It's icky. And it would be a complete failure on my part. Like Usain Bolt in the 100m dash, I wrapped each cup tightly with plastic wrap and prayed.

"Please oh gods and goddess of culinary goodness, do not let the skin form on my pudding."

Hours later after an amazing dinner of prime rib, yorkshire puddings (made by yours truly) potatoes and asparagus, it was time. I slipped into the kitchen and carefully removed the protective covers. I held my breath and peeking through the fingers covering my eyes let out an audible sigh. There was no pudding skin.

I placed the dishes in front of each family member and watched carefully as their spoons swirled inside the caramel coloured goodness.

The tension was palpable as the spoons made contact with their lips, the pudding with their taste buds.

My fingers gripped the tablecloth. If I failed, this story would live on in infamy in our family for centuries.

Then I heard the one sound every chef wants to hear....

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!

Relief.

I passed.

I am in the club.

Sometimes...

a song can be perfection. Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah is one of those songs. k.d. lang singing it for his induction to the Canadian SongWriters Hall of Fame is beyond perfection. Enjoy.

What the hell are we fighting for?

8 years.

116 Canadian soldiers dead.

Women's rights in Afghanistan set all the way back to the dark ages.

I have long maintained that this country and our NATO partners were incapable of describing the conditions for victory in Afghanistan and if you can't articulate what victory looks like how do you know it's time to go?

Well in light of today's news out of Kabul, I think we now know what the conditions for defeat look like.

We were told that we were committing troops to Afghanistan to throw off oppression of the Taliban, to render Afghanistan democratic and to ensure the rights of girls and women were restored to them.

Eight years later, the President of Afghanistan, a man who has enjoyed unfailing support of both Canada and the United States, has signed into law a bill that robs women of all that matters - the ability to control their bodies and their lives.

This new law declares that a wife must submit to her husband's sexual demands, no matter what. No doubt in the view of some Afghans this is called being dutiful. In my view and the view of most everyone it is called rape.

Married or unmarried no person - no woman, no girl, no boy and no man - no one should be forced to have sex against their will. Ever. No one should ever have to know or experience the horror of being violated sexually.

This piece of legislation also states that women cannot leave the home or go to the doctor's without being accompanied by their husbands or a male relative. (Did they just copy and paste that from the Taliban's playbook? The Saudis?) It also states that in all cases custody of children in the event of a divorce should go to the father or the grandfather.

So just to recap - a woman cannot refuse her husband sex and if she does he can just take it by force. If she chooses to leave him because she was raped she will have to choose between her safety or her children.

It's worth pointing out this is not only a women's issue. A vagina is not a required in order to be outraged - all you need is a soul. Violence against women and girls is a women's issue. And it's a men's issue. It's a community issue. It's a national issue. It's a world issue.

For so long as we stand by and do nothing and say nothing we are telling women and girls all over the world that we agree with those people who state through legislation and action that they are worth less than men.

This isn't a Taliban issue, it's not poverty issue, it's not an education issue - it's about gender equality. Gender inequality is why more women than men are infected with HIV in Africa, gender inequality is why hundreds of thousands of women in the Congo have been raped. And reraped.

Shame on Afghanistan and shame on all the governments who continue to support this government through their military and their diplomacy. In light of this new legislation my government's ongoing support for the mission in Afghanistan is also a message about the value they place on women.

http://www.capitalvday.com/